Open Formation Gesture
- People in most English speaking countries stand with their bodies oriented to form an angle of 90 degrees during ordinary social intercourse.
- The two men in are displaying similar status by holding similar gestures and posture and the angle formed by their torsos indicates that an impersonal conversation is probably taking place. The formation of the triangle invites a third person of similar status to join the conversation. When a fourth person is accepted into the group a square will be formed and for a fifth person, either a circle or two triangles.
Closed Formation Gesture
- When intimacy or privacy is required by two people, the angle formed by their torsos decreases from 90 degrees down to 0 degrees. A man wishing to attract a female partner uses this ploy, as well as other courtship gestures, when he makes his play for her.
- To accept his approach, she need only orient her torso angle to 0 degrees and allow him to enter her territory.
Inclusion and Exclusion Techniques
Interviewing Two People
- Let us assume that you, person C, are going to interview or talk to persons A and B, and let us say that by either choice or circumstance you are sitting in a triangular position at a round table. Let us also assume that person A is very talkative and asks many questions and that person B remains silent throughout. When A asks you a question, how can you answer him and carry on a conversation without making B feel excluded? Use this simple but highly effective inclusion technique: when A asks a question, look at him as you begin to answer, then turn your head towards B, then back to A, then to B again until you make your final statement, looking at A (who asked the question) again as you finish your sentence. This technique lets B feel involved in the conversation and is particularly useful if you need to have B on side with you.
Foot Pointing Gesture
- The foot indicates the direction in which a person would like to go, but they are also used to point at people who are interesting or attractive. Imagine that you are at a social function and you notice a group of three men and one very attractive woman (Figure 146). The conversation seems to be dominated by the men and the woman is just listening.
- You will also notice that she is giving a sideways glance to the man who is using the thumbs-in-belt gesture.
Body Lowering Gestures
- Historically, lowering the height of one's body in front of another person has been used as a means of establishing superior/subordinate relationships. We refer to a member of Royalty as 'Your Highness', whereas individuals who commit unsavoury acts are called 'low'.
- Let us examine the non-verbal aspects of the situation in which you have beenspeeding in your car and are stopped by the policeman. In the situation,
1.) The policeman approaches your vehicle, and a driver’s usual reaction is to remain in the car, wind the window down and make excuses for having exceeded the speed limit.
2.) By remaining in your car, you create a barrier between yourself and the policeman.
3.) Under these circumstances the police officer is obviously in a superior position to you, this type of behaviour only serves to make things go from bad to worse and your chances of being booked are increased.
- Instead, try this if you are flagged down:
1.) Get immediately out of your car and go over to the police officer’s car.
2.) Stoop your body over so that you are smaller than he is.
3.) Lower your own status by telling the officer how foolish and irresponsible you are and raise his status by thanking him.
4.) With your palms out, in a trembling voice, ask him not to give you a ticket.
When this technique is used as directed, it can save you from being booked more than 50 per cent of the time.
Copying the other person gestures
- This 'carbon copying' is a means by which one person tells the other that he is in agreement with his ideas and attitudes. By this method, one is non-verbally saying to the other, 'As you can see, I think the same as you, so I will copy your posture and gestures.'
- If an employer wishes to develop an immediate rapport and create a relaxed atmosphere with an employee, he need only copy the employee's posture to achieve this end. Similarly, an up-and-coming employee may be seen copying his boss's gestures in an attempt to show agreement. Using this knowledge, it is possible to influence a face-to-face encounter by copying the positive gestures and postures of the other person. This has the effect of putting the other person in a receptive and relaxed frame of mind, as he can 'see' that you understand his point of view.
Territorial Gestures
- People lean against other people or objects to show a territorial claim to that object or person. Leaning can also be used as a method, of dominance or intimidation when the object being leaned on belongs to someone else.
- For example, if you are going to take a photograph of a friend and his new car, boat, home or other personal belonging, you will inevitably find that he leans against his newly acquired property, putting his foot on it or his arm around it. When he touches the property, it becomes an extension of his body and in this way he shows others that it belongs to him.
Ownership Gestures
- The position person in the chair reflects an easygoing, relaxed and carefree attitude, because that is in fact what it is. The leg-overchair gesture not only signifies the man’s ownership of that particular chair or space, but also signals that customary etiquettes may be relaxed.
- If the boss’s chair has no arms (which is unlikely, this is usually the visitor’s chair) he may be seen with one or both feet on the desk. If his superior enters the office, it is unlikely that the boss would use such an obvious territorial/ownership gesture, but would resort to more subtle versions such as putting his foot on the bottom drawer of his desk, or, if there are no drawers in the desk, placing his foot hard against the leg of the desk to stake his claim to it.
Cigarette Smokers Gestures
- Smoke up gesture - A person who is feeling positive, superior or confident will blow the smoke in an upward direction most of the time.
- Smoke down gesture - A person in a negative, secretive or suspicious frame of mind will blow the smoke down most of the time. Blowing down and from the corner of the mouth indicates an even more negative or secretive attitude. This, of course, assumes that the smoker is not blowing the smoke upwards to avoid offending others. In that case, he could have blown the smoke in either direction.
Gestures with glasses
- The glasses-in-mouth gesture can be used to stall or delay a decision. In negotiating, it has been found that this gesture appears most frequently at the close of the discussion when the person has been asked for a decision. The act of continually taking the glasses off and cleaning the lenses is another method used by glasses wearers to gain time for a decision. When this gesture is seen immediately after a decision has been asked for, silence is the best tactic.
- If the person puts the glasses back on, this often means that he wants to 'see' the facts again, whereas folding the glasses and putting them away signals an intention to terminate the conversation.
Male Courtship signals
- The male displays preening behaviour as the female approaches. In addition to the automatic physiological reactions already mentioned, he will reach for his throat and straighten his tie. If he is not wearing a tie, he may smooth his collar or brush imaginary dust from his shoulder and rearrange cufflinks, shirt, coat and other clothing. He may also preen himself by smoothing his hair.
- The most aggressive sexual display he can make towards the female is the aggressive thumbs-in-belt gesture that highlights his genital region. He may also turn his body towards her and point his foot at her.
Female Courtship signals
- Women use most of the same basic preening gestures as men, including touching the hair, smoothing the clothing, one or both hands on hips, foot and body pointing towards the male, extended intimate gaze and increasing eye contact. They also adopt the thumbs-in-belt gesture which, although it is a male aggression gesture, is used with feminine subtlety; only one thumb tucked into a belt or protruding from a handbag or pocket is displayed.
Controlling a person's gaze
- When you are giving him a visual presentation using books, charts, graphs and so on. Research shows that of the information relayed to a person’s brain, 87 per cent comes via the eyes, 9 percent via the ears, and 4 per cent via the other senses.
- To maintain maximum control of his gaze, use a pen or pointer to point to the visual aid and at the same time verbalise what he sees. Next, lift the pen from the visual aid and hold it between his eyes and your own eyes. This has the magnetic effect of lifting his head so that he is looking at your eyes and now he sees and hears what you are saying, thus achieving maximum absorption of your message.
